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Where are the Good Black Men Hanging Out? 


Written by: Nancee Lyons

Available at Black Women's Health

I’m not trying to be the next Carrie Bradshaw or anything, but I do watch HBO’s multiple award-snagging series, “Sex in the city”. I tune in religiously (when in season) to commiserate with the show’s four, “single white females” who grapple modern relationship issues in the Big Apple. I like the show’s colorful characters and the 30-something women who balance career, sex and PMS as good as any 21st century diva.  But as I ponder their hilarious dilemmas, I also have to think, “get real.”

I know as well as any woman how hard it can be to find the right mate- you know, one with ambition, a good job, an interest in women and a legible road map to a woman’s “G” spot.  But honestly, how hard can it be for white women? Let’s face it, being in the majority does have its advantages. If four attractive, well-connected white women are having a hard time lassoing love in a mega metropolis like NYC, you know it’s tight on sisters.

Our biggest problem is that there isn’t a whole heck of a lot for us to choose from. Census Bureau statistics show that in 1994, African Americans made up only 12.7 percent of the U.S. population.  About 5.5 percent of that are male and of that, it appears that about 4 percent are single or otherwise available. If you are like me, a 30-something woman who dates within the age range of 33-39, that takes the number of available men down to about 3 percent.  Now, here’s where it gets tricky: I’m a college-educated woman with a pretty good career, so naturally my first instinct is to look for someone with a similar life experience. If you’re looking for a college educated black man, age 33-39- the percentage is probably no more than 2.5%.  An educated black man with a successful career (and I’m fudging here) probably 1.5 percent.  An educated black man with a successful career who is heterosexual –maybe 1 percent. 

So, let’s say I’m a sister looking for love among 1 percent of the population.  Most of this 1 percent can be found in cities and surrounding suburbs with large black populations like Chicago, Atlanta, Washington, D.C., New York, Oakland and Detroit.  So what are my chances of finding a single, 33-39-year-old, heterosexual, college educated, successful black man in my area? About .16 percent.  Yes, that’s one sixth of one percent.

NOW- what are my chances of finding all of this in a man who is ALSO kind, honest, mature, non-commitment phobic and with whom I’m compatible?  Uh…you do the math. All I can say is that if they were to do an African American version of HBO’s quintessential chick flick, it would have to be called “Sexless in the City.”

Given these grim statistics one might ask a sister, “where are the best places to find single, black man?”  I read the other day that Home Depot has become the new, meat market for white folks.  It’s pegged as a great place to find home-owning mates who know their way around a dry wall.

I was there the other day and was surprised to see an attractive brother in the appropriate age-range (see above paragraph) saunter onto my aisle.  I was shopping for a new air filter for my heating system and asked his opinion.  No, it wasn’t a front, I was genuinely in need of help.  He was helpful, but seemed a little afraid to make eye contact.  Either he was blinded by my beauty or he had a sister lurking in the wings with a pocket-sized frying pan.